He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
