Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
