life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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