Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
