holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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