So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize