I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
