i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
