Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
