I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
