I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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