I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
