maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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