I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish you could order shots online.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
