It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
