Who did Billy Mays play for?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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