There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
