Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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