I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize