we have officially lost it.
kristin has been a bad kristin
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
