the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
