I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
