So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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