Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
