how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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