I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
