my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
