There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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