Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
