Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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