fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
