no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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