Tell her she can't have a vagina
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
