i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
