just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
