so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
