Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
