Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
