This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
