My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
