Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
