im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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