need another drink. this is the easiest way
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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