Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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