they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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