Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we're making bets on your personal life
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I want her autograph on my taint
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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