Apparently you make a good broom.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
