i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
