he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
