The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
