i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
