also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize