I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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