i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
