two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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