Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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