I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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