some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
