bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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