he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
