i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
