This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
