Me. At least after what I've been through.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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