Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
