dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
