Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
